The Difference Between Moral Support and Enabling

I have to say that I am a little annoyed.

Why is it that people think that because I am their friend I must enable them and lie to them so that they can feel validated about continuing on with their self-defeating habits and lifestyles? Seriously, people, I don't care! Live your life how you please! Just don't expect me to agree that you are making the best choices when I don't. It's not judgment - it's disagreement. There is a big difference.

I am more than happy to be there for you and be a listening ear. I will listen patiently after you drunk dial me and while you blather on in your slurred words and blubbering voice. I will do everything I can to make you feel better about yourself if I know you are feeling down (if you don't tell me you're down then don't get mad at me that I didn't know). I will do all I possibly can to provide help for you if you need it and are willing to help yourself. I will defend you fiercely to others when they say unkind things about you. THAT is moral support.

Just remember that part of friendship is allowing me express my opinion as well. If you are constantly talking to me about how miserable your lives are, then expect me to voice an opinion now and then. I think for all of what I have stated above that I have earned the right to do so. Otherwise it's a one way street and not a friendship at all. If that upsets you, complain to someone else because even I have my limits. Even I should have the right to lose patience now and then - I am human just like everybody else. You should also know by now that if you are going to ask me a question, be sure you really want to know the answer because I WILL be honest.That is my nature. I will no longer try to disguise it for others.

Furthermore, just because my opinion on a specific matter may seem harsh to you, does not mean that I do not love you or value your friendship. Just because I think you may be in the wrong in a particular situation does not mean that I think you are wrong in every situation. Just because I think that a particular action on your part was foolish, doesn't mean I believe you are a fool.

Friends are supposed to be loyal and compassionate and fun. We are supposed to have each others backs when times are good and times are bad. We are supposed to be honest with each other when we ask a question. Not unkind, but honest. Whether the question is "Does my butt look big in these pants?" or "Do you think I am in the wrong here?"

We deserve that much from our friends at least.