I Hate Small Towns

I was looking at a friends facebook page today. Someone I knew growing up. I decided to look at some of his friends. Talk about a blast from the past, and not in a good way.

It is interesting to me how many people seem to romanticize the small town in America (particularly the Republicans). It is my belief that these people have either never lived in a small town, or they are just like the hateful people I knew in my own hometown.

Seeing so many of the people from my hometown brought back memories of just how cruel that place really was, and probably still is. It reminded me of all the horrible things that were said about me and my family. Little bits of truth that mutated to become unrecognizable tall tales and outright lies. There is a lot of truth in the phrase, "It takes a whole village to raise a child."

Don't get me wrong. There were a few unique people who treated me with respect and kindness. A few people who became lifelong friends. The majority, however, were cold and cruel.

It wasn't enough that my siblings and I were innocent. We were stuck in a home with a father and mother who beat us, enslaved us, isolated us, and made sure to tell us on a daily basis what rotten, stupid, perverted and evil little bastards we all were. This was not considered by the villagers, however. We were simply classified as freaks like our parents and were therefore the perfect laughing stock for the town.

The most astounding thing as an adult is to look back and see the gross hypocrisy of the people there. One of the individuals I saw on facebook is a woman who when she was a girl, had acted out on me when I was a tiny child (5 years old) what her abuser - her father - had done to her. The same man who was so quick to point the finger at my parents, and who was also in law enforcement.

These are people who called my little sister a tramp when she was fifteen and at that time had only ever been with one boy. People who called me crazy and ugly and fat and weird. The same people who knew perfectly well we were abused from the time we were very little, and yet not once did they try to help us. Not once.

It is funny to me also that after all these years I find out that someone whom I thought was my friend back then was making fun of me behind my back, and I am still surprised. He told me the boy I liked, liked me too. He insisted that I display my interest and be assertive because the boy I liked was timid, and just needed a nudge. All the while he is making fun of me, behind my back, to that boy, who wondered why I came on so strong. I was idealistic and trusting, and what a joke I was to them!

Speaking for myself, I can say that all I really wanted was for them to accept me. I had been home-schooled for most of my childhood, and I was not exactly accustomed to social situations among my peers. I had been completely isolated for so long that my efforts to display interest in a boy I liked, or to start a new friendship with a girl my age were perceived as overly serious, pushy, or just plain weird. Really, I was just an awkward kid who wanted to have some friends her own age (or close to it), and maybe a boyfriend. I had just been isolated for so long that I was literally terrified of being around my peers in the first place, and yet I was determined to overcome that fear. All the while dealing with the abuse at home.

I wanted the people there to see me for the person I truly was, not for what my parents were or what the rumors said I was. I wanted to be accepted and valued as a part of the community. Instead, I was shunned. I remember many nights when I cried myself to sleep wishing that I could run away from that place and all of them, and never look back.

It is amazing how different things are now. Now, I am an independent, self-confident, out going woman. I am aware, now, of my own value. I have (or had), friends and lovers who appreciate me and recognize my worth.

I value the few precious friends that I have left in that place. I love them and would not trade their friendship for the world. And there are others who have, like me, turned their back (for the most part) on that place, and I appreciate them as well.

As for the rest of that cesspool, I am well rid of it and it's hateful occupants.